Observations on Sin

I was thinking about the fallibility of man versus the infallibility of God this morning. Thinking about what I could write about, when my thoughts went off on a tangent about sin. These two subjects go together really well. For now though I am going to try to focus on sin. I don't know where this is going to take me though.

One of the very first observations I made when I converted was on sin. I actually haven't studied anything about sin. I am telling you this as a newbie in Christ. I am sure this is common sense to people who were raised as Christians. But for me, the observation I made was an epiphany.


What I realized was that everything God says is a sin is something that will harm us or cause harm to befall us (I am sure the Bible says this outright, but I am still studying—I always will be—but I definitely didn’t read this during the first few weeks after my conversion). When you live in the world you are surrounded by sin. If you aren’t a Christian you don’t really know how unhappy it is making your life. Sure there are lots of pleasures that God created for us to enjoy—in moderation. But when you live in the world you constantly bombarded with sin and you become numb to it. There are two types of sin I’ll discuss today: sins of the flesh and sins of the eyes, or tangible sins and intangible sins, or physical sins and spiritual sins.

My problem off and on for many years before my conversion, and early after it, was alcohol. I was not an alcoholic by medical definition, because I wasn’t physically dependent. But I was definitely emotionally dependent. I used alcohol to get drunk. It would numb the pain in my soul. I mean I knew I was doing it to numb my emotions, but I didn’t realize that I was actually doing it to “fill the hole in my soul.” I didn’t realize how empty inside I was. I had (still do have!) a good husband. He would give me whatever I wanted—within reason. But I always wanted something. This led to my spiritual sin, or was it caused by my spiritual sin? I was extremely materialistic and I knew it, and I didn’t care. I coveted. I always hoped that I would fill the hole with stuff I would feel better. Whenever I would say to my husband that I wanted this or that he would tell me, “You always want something.” I would deny this though. But it was true. I even coveted our daughter.

I wanted a baby. I wanted her so bad. Did I want her because I hoped she would fill the emptiness? I don’t know for sure, but I’m fairly sure that was part of it. Brad wasn’t ready for a baby, but we made a deal. If we started trying to get pregnant, I would find a job near where we would live. I essentially was choosing my future family over my career (which was the correct choice anyways—I just didn’t know it then). It took a year—which was for the best—because I could not have defended my dissertation if I was pregnant (my brain was useless). I was so happy when I finally got pregnant and I impatiently awaited her arrival. But I almost ruined our marriage because I wanted a baby so bad. It was all I thought about. All I talked about. I drove my husband nuts about it. We finally had her, but I still felt an emptiness. I asked myself, “What am I looking for?”

I thought my problem was my job. I didn’t like it, for many reasons. I felt it was beneath my education. It wasn’t doing what I wanted. So I went back to research, but I was still unhappy about my job. So I started thinking about what I was supposed to do with my life. I at least believed in Jesus at this time, but I wasn't fully committed to being a Christian. So I started praying to God about it. I thought I made the right choice by giving up my career path because if I hadn't we wouldn't have our daughter. So I asked God to help me figure out what I was supposed to do. This was what started, or maybe I should say finished, my search for the truth.You can read about that at the end of my first post though :).

After I really became a Christian my sins (or burdens) really started to melt a way. I only really drank one more time about a week or so after I started the church and I did some very stupid stuff. I haven't drank since then. Even when I have a social drink I don't enjoy it, and frequently don't finish it. It amazes me now how feel I free now. When I leave work I don't feel like I really need a drink. I don't feel like I have to stop at the liquor store. Praise God! I am still working on coveting things, but I don't dwell on stuff anymore. I think of stuff I want now and think, "I'll get it if it is meant to be, if not then that is that." I try to think of God first now. My selfishness still gets in the way, but now I recognize it and try to stop it. The hole in my soul is gone, thank You, Lord!

Conclusion to my Biblical Authority Entry

Sorry it took me so long!
Ok, so here is my concluding paragraph to last weeks blog:

As I mentioned previously, it was really Rabbi Harris' study that gave me the confidence (that I shouldn't have needed). Well at least gave me complete confidence :). I mean I like numbers. Numbers are concrete (provided they are based on the facts and not pulled out of the air). The people I talk to tend to also like numbers. I still need to do a little verification on the numbers I got out of his study. It is hard for me to be motivated to do that though since I already had faith that what the Bible says is true. But now I am thinking. . . I don't have time right now, but I think I am going to write one more entry about what I have learned about the fallibility of man versus the infallibility of God. Ok, this post actually took me two days to write. So, all my faithful readers (I think there is 3 of you now :)), please keep that in mind. But believe me, knowing you are out there and actually interested keeps me writing.

My Quest for Understanding Biblical Authority

I have been trying to decide how to go about writing this. I mean, a LOT of people have written on it (and pretty much everything else I have planned on discussing), so I thinke the best way to handle it is to simply write about how I came to the conclusion that I came to.

As I mentioned previously it took many years of "asking, searching, and knocking" before I could finally accept the answer that God has placed inside all of us. Over this time period I would ask my sister questions about this or that and she was the first one I asked, "How do you know the Bible is true? How do you know it is accurate after all of those translations?" She told me, "Well. . . you have to have faith that God protected His Word." At the time I didn't think that was a very good answer. I saw her point, but I couldn't understand. But it wasn't the answer I was looking for. I needed some hard facts. Which, interestingly enough, I didn't actually get until after I became a Christian. I mean, once I became a Christian I did have the faith, so I finally understood what she meant. But I still needed facts. Not only to appease my inquisitive mind, but also so I could defend my beliefs to others.

Unfortunately the first thing I read on Biblical authority was a HUGE disappointment. As I was reading it, I kept thinking, "this is circular logic . . . this does not make a strong case . . . " Basically I interpreted what I was reading to say:
The Bible says that God says the Bible is true.
Maybe it was my immaturity as a Christian (not that I am a wise, mature, scripture-quoting Christian now, but I try to grow a little bit here and there), I don't know, all I know is that I was disappointed in this argument.

I let this rest for awhile because I was content with the fact that I had faith in God. But then, during the most recent Gospel Meeting at my church, I was confronted with something that I had most definitely been ignoring: the 6-Day creation. I was not at all ready to deal with this. The Bible says that God made everything in 6 days. But science refutes that right? right?????? This conundrum caused me some serious consternation (I hate to get all wordy, but that is the best way to describe it). While I was trying to reconcile what I knew to be the Truth with what I had been taught all of my life one of my friends at church put me in touch with somebody (Keith Camp for those of you who know him) who could answer my questions over email, which is (unfortunately) the best way for me to study right now. I will tell all 2 of you, dear readers, about what I learned about Creation another day :)

During the time that I was working on getting all of my creation questions answered, my husband and I got into a discussion about biblical authority. Unfortunately I could not back up why I thought my beliefs were better than his belief that the Bible is a guide book on how to live our lives. I mean, I know why, but again "Because God said so" is definitley not going to work with my husband (I love you dear!). So I emailed Keith again and he sent me another wonderful email giving me an excellent argument! (I still haven't been able to try it out on my husband, also, unfortunately, I am an awful debator). He also sent me a very good study by Rabbi Glenn Harris, "Can I trust the Bible?" This article is, by far, the best argument I have read. A lot of it came from Josh McDowell's book Evidence that Demands a Verdict, which is currently on my book list. This study pretty much sealed the deal for me.
One of the things that Rabbi Harris pointed out that stood out the most to me was a simple look at the Book itself (which I am sure many Christians already understand).

• There is no other book on earth that was written over such a long period of time by so many different authors.
• The authors come from a variety of backgrounds.
• They are all writing the same things over and over again, but in many different ways (poetry, legal documents, personal letters, etc)

The other thing he pointed out was some survival statistics of the Bible. The most interesting statistic is based on manuscript testimony. Which is a look at the number of surviving manuscripts, when the original was written, and the date of the earliest surviving copy. It is estimated that there are over 24,000 early copies of the New Testament. The next most well preserved text from antiquity is the Iliad, which only had 643 surviving manuscripts. Also, if you look at a comparison of the early copies of the New Testament there is only 40 lines out of 20,000 that are questionable, while in the Iliad 764 lines out of 15,600 are questionable (these numbers came from Rabbi Harris' study--I have yet to research further though, I probably well just so I am comfortable quoting these numbers, so stay tuned for that). These are just a few interesting things that the Rabbi mentioned. You can read his whole study here: http://www.gospeloutreach.net/bible.html if you want to learn more, which I hope you do :D

That is all I have for now. I think next I will tackle the 6-Day Creation! If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, I'll do my best to answer them.  Also, please forgive any typos and mis-spellings, I am really tired :p

New Beginnings

I am going to try to write to this blog at least once a week now. I mostly want to post observations I have made and the changes that I have undergone since I converted. I also get a lot of questions about why I believe this or that. The simple answer is because that is what the Bible tells us. The reason this is going to be only once a week is because I want to gather materials and supporting evidence for why I believe the things I believe. Right now I figure that I'll be mostly summarizing the various books and articles that I have read. Currently I am planning on addressing the following observations/beliefs:

1. Biblical Authority 
2. Why I believe in the 6-Day Creation
3. Why I believe in a young Earth
   
4. Roles in Marriage
5. My growth as a Christian--this one will probably be random insertions into my blog of the changes that I have recognized in myself.
   

For those of you that knew me before I became a Christian, you would find what I am writing shocking and, maybe even, disturbing. I know that I thought the same thing about Christians before my conversion. When one of my colleagues in the lab that I did my dissertation work in converted, I secretly (and probably overtly at times) ridiculed him for, what I thought, were his ridiculous beliefs. I regret that now on so many levels. I think my biggest regret about my behavior towards this person was that I was very hostile and unfriendly to him and extremely closed-minded. At the time I thought I was very open-minded. But, no, I was extremely judgmental and unforgiving of others beliefs, which made me a hypocrite, as I loudly professed that I was a "liberal." I have to say that I now feel more free in accepting others beliefs. I might not agree with what you think because I now have a different worldview, but I will definitely try to understand where you are coming from. In my infinite ignorance I am only just now realizing that understanding different worldviews is the key to understanding other people. That is probably something you learn as you age, but I am not sure if I would have learned it if I continued to look through my old worldview lens.
One more thing I have really been trying to learn:
Nobody ever knows what is in a man's heart. Nobody ever knows why a man is motivated to do any given action, be it small or large. Only God knows these things and only God can judge these things. As humans we can only condemn actions, never motivations, because we will never ever truly know what is in a man's heart.